Crocodiles?

I could not fall asleep last night.

 

Usually I am so exhausted that I fall asleep about 10 minutes after I unplug from the world (and set my fitbit to sleep mode).  Last night I was tired. I wanted to sleep. I had taken a nap during my usual 4-6 pm window when I can't keep my head up but that didn't seem to be stopping me from sleeping.  I just couldn't stop my mind from racing.  It took me over 45 minutes to finally fall asleep and it wasn't very restful.  I needed the sun lamp this morning to get me back to at least my usual state of tiredness.

 

My mind was racing and it was filled with irrational thoughts.  Maybe not so much irrational thoughts as irrational worries and irrelevant thoughts.  I'm guessing that I was influenced by both this weekend's airing of Idiot Abroad and all the talk about survival instincts in connection with the premiere of the Walking Dead last night (which we didn't even watch yet).  In Idiot Abroad, Karl was up in Alaska and at one point was taken out to an icy body of water where he was left to float about.  Both A and I agreed that, in the quiet and still Alaskan waters, with nothing but mountains and natural beauty around, that must be the most relaxing thing ever.  Great for meditation, great for clearing the mind.  Of course Karl appeared to hate it but we thought we would love it.  As for the Walking Dead piece of it, there have been episodes airing all weekend and a new one last night, so people have been talking about (and it makes you think about) what you would do in a zombie apocalypse.  If the zombie apocalypse is like the one on the show, I have no doubt that I would be in bad shape as far as survival instincts and as A agrees, am not so sure I would even want to be a conscious human being in that world.

 

So what was I thinking about?  I'm not sure how I got there but I was thinking about how relaxing it would be to just jump into a warm rushing stream of blue water in a remote place.  To be free, on vacation somewhere, spontaneous, no research whatsoever, out in nature and the wild, and just going for it. It was an amazing feeling of freedom and being alive.... and then I started thinking about how the water might have crocodiles.  (Maybe this was influenced by the sign we saw in Cancun that the lagoon was a crocodile zone.)  And then I got to thinking about surviving in the rain forest (how would I survive there?).  And snakes.  Big snakes.  Snakes that could wrap themselves around you and kill you.  And how would you outrun a crocodile anyway?  Would zigzagging be enough?  What if there were ten crocodiles zooming at you from all directions?  Surely you'd be a goner then.  And why would I jump into some river?  Who knows what's living in there?  Not just crocodiles but other deadly things.  It's like jumping into the deep part of the ocean.  How do people go scuba diving?  What about sharks?  And dangerous stinging jellyfish like the Irukandji that I read about on Gadling?  You just jump into the ocean and who knows what you're going to find.  That's part of the thrill, I suppose, but if you jump in and there's a shark right there, then what?  How do you escape a shark?  What if it's one of those mean sharks that just likes to bite people? (I think those are tiger sharks but A is the shark expert, not me.)  I guess I would only go scuba diving in a safe place that's popular with other people.  But I can't even scuba, only snorkel.  I wonder if people come across sharks while snorkeling.  What about whales?  I love whales but they're huge and what if you end up in the middle of them by accident?  Deep ocean waters, so many creatures and so much unknown.  Back to surviving.  Where would I want to survive?  A forest in someplace not tropical?  But there's bears.  And on and on and on.

 

The fears themselves are not really that irrational as it's a legitimate concern about safety among crocodiles, snakes, and sharks, and there is a fear of the unknown that is difficult for a usually risk-averse person like me to embrace.  But these are legitimate concerns if you are going to go someplace warm and remote and tropical (or to a forest with bears).  I am in New York City.  In the winter.  With a wind chill in the 20s.  There is no reason to be thinking about crocodiles, snakes or sharks.  There is especially no reason for crocodiles to be keeping me up at night.  So bizarre.  Hopefully tonight is better.